Gokudera's Pain
by Neith S. Ruckus
Summary: First off, this is yaoi, don't like don't read. Gokudera loves Yamamoto, but Yamamoto is still in love with someone else, who's that and what will happen to Gokudera? My thanks to MeLoNnAiSE for letting me adapt some part of her story... Errors checked!
1. Gokudera's Pain

**Gokudera's Pain**

This fic is dedicated to MeLoNnAiSE. Thanks to her (correct me about your gender if I am wrong); I got inspired to write this. I know, I know, I should be updating The Effects of A Deceivingly Innocent Lollipop (TEoADIL), but then my inspiration, or rather my psychotic muse, for that has evade me yet again. 'Ahem.' Right, I diverged. As I was saying, this was inspired by MeLo, and in this story, there are some adaption and excerpts from her story, 'His Royal Highness Owns A Frog'. Thank you MeLo for letting me use and change some parts of you story!

Disclaimer: If I owned KHR, do you think I'll be here? Most probably yeah, just for the fun of it, but I hate to disappoint you, I don't own KHR. And any parts that you think resembles MeLoNnAiSE's story strictly belongs to her. I just borrowed them with permission from her of course.

**Continuing from Chapter 6 of 'His Royal Highness Owns A Frog: Found, Visit, Confusion, Return, Hurt'**

Having witness Yamamoto expressing his love for Hibari, Gokudera could not bear the pain of staying there any longer and ran off.

'First, Bel, now Yamamoto. What's with these people? They certainly like to break my heart to pieces.' With Bel, he understood that Bel was simply just unable to love him back. But with Yamamoto, he really thought that Yamamoto had loved him, just as he had loved Yamamoto.

He had thought that, finally there will be someone who will be there for him permanently, someone else besides Jyuudaime, but in the end he was wrong.

He was destined to be alone, loyally serving his Jyuudaime. He knew Bel had finally found love with the new Varia illusionist; he wasn't blind, he could very well see that they are in love with each other just that they haven't realized it yet. Hence he didn't want to go and seek comfort from his ex. It's not like if his love life is in the dumps, he should go and ruin someone else's love life.

He had never seen his ex lover looked at someone with such soft gaze, such loving eyes. It just like him and Yamamoto, only difference is that Yamamoto did not love him back.

The next few days, or should I say weeks, Gokudera spent less time in the Vongola HQ. He did not want to face his currently-considered-ex-lover and Hibari. He just couldn't stand the pain of having to face them at all.

He spent his time in pubs and bars (although sometimes it might be too early for them to be open, but hey, who cares when there's someone willing to pay extra money, or, more likely, someone who threatened to blow you up with dynamites), drowning in alcohol. At night, he sought comforts in the arms of strangers, along with boozing. By day, he suffered through hangovers and hazy memories of being with someone unknown.

Back at the HQ, Yamamoto was looking all over the place for Gokudera. He wanted to tell him that he was sorry, sorry for being still in love with Hibari. But he couldn't find him at all cost.

Hibari told him, 'He most probably have found out about this and is avoiding you on purpose.' 'Yeah, I know, but I still want to tell him about it.' Yamamoto replied.

**In some bar…**

Gokudera was making the decision of his life. 'Am I going to continue this and ignore my duties as a guardian? Or am I going to bear with this pain and put up a facade as if nothing happened, continuing my role? Or do I have a third choice?'

Finally, he decided. He couldn't bear with the pain, but he wasn't going to have his duties neglected as he wasted himself away. He was going to resign.

Making his way back to the HQ after several weeks of being away, he thought of ways to tell Tsuna.

'Jyuudaime, please find someone worthier to be your right-handed man.'

'Why are you talking about this now Gokudera? Did something happen between you and Yamamoto?'

'Not really Jyuudaime. We have settled the problem and I would like to have some time off for myself.'

'In that case, you can take a vacation for as long as you want.'

'But Jyuudaime, that's not good. I would be neglecting my duties then. It would be better

if you found someone else to replace me.'

'Just as Yamamoto did' he thought in his heart.

'Alright then.'

'Thank you Jyuudaime.'

Gokudera went back to his room, lying down on his bed, trying to fall asleep. Just as he was dozing off, he felt a pair of familiar lips on his, followed by arms shaking him slightly.

'Gokudera, wake up. I've got something to tell you.'

'What is it, baseball freak? Get lost now. I want to sleep.'

'But I need to tell you now!'

'But I need my sleep now! What's so important that can't wait until tomorrow?'

'Besides you telling me that you are going to break up with me, or telling me that you are sorry?' his conscious spoke.

'Well I guess it could wait until morning then. Good night.'

Yamamoto left, not knowing that this will be the last time he's going to see Gokudera.

Gokudera couldn't sleep now. He didn't want to have to listen to Yamamoto's apologies, he didn't want to let Tsuna know where he was going, and heck he didn't want anyone to see that he was leaving. So he got up immediately and packed his stuff, only the minimal basics like his clothes, bombs and cigarettes. After he had finished packing, he wrote down a note to apologize to Tsuna for his sudden departure.

Gokudera then took off the rings on his hand; the Vongola Storm ring and a platinum band from Yamamoto, and placed them on the dresser along with the note, feeling sure of them being found by someone in the morning. Not even glancing back, he left, closing the door silently, not wanting to revive the painfully memories of having spent nights with Yamamoto in the room that he was leaving.

He quietly crept down to the main hall and exited the main door, the pain in his heart didn't lighten one bit.

'Where should I go? Italy? No, I'm bound to run into the Varia. France, maybe, or may I should skip out on Europe and go to America. Hmmm, America sounds good, America it is then…' Gokudera thought to himself.

He left for the airport in a taxi, and bought his ticket at the boarding counter. A few hours later, he was on the plane for America.

**Morning, Vongola HQ**

'Morning, guys.' Tsuna said with a yawn. 'Have any of you seen Gokudera? He's usually up earlier than any of us.' The reply was no, though they had asked many different people.

It was only when Haru and Kyoko went to clean Gokudera's room then did they know what happened. They passed the note and the rings found on the dresser to Tsuna, who immediately read the note. On the note, it said:

'Jyuudaime, no Tsuna,

By the time you are reading this I'm probably on a plane to somewhere, or maybe I'm already in somewhere faraway from Japan. I had my reasons for leaving so quickly, please forgive me. The Vongola ring I return to you, and I hope that can find someone better to be your guardian. Please help me return the platinum band to Yamamoto; tell him I wish him all the best. No need to look for me, I'll be fine.

Gokudera'

'How could he just leave like that?'

'What exactly happened?'

'Yamamoto, can you please explain what's going on?'

Yamamoto, recovering from the shock of it all, explained, 'I… I… Hibari and I, we are still in love with each other.' Cue collective gasps from everybody present except for Tsuna (his intuition had somehow helped him guessed it a long time ago, but he was not sure of it) and Reborn (due to his observance).

Yamamoto continued, 'That time, when Gokudera was dying, I was really in fear of losing him even though I was with Hibari. Leaving Hibari was tough, but I found love in Gokudera. Or so I thought. Weeks before, I saw Mukuro with Hibari and I felt jealous. It was at that moment then I realized that I had still loved Hibari.'

'If you had realized this earlier, Gokudera wouldn't have been hurt…'

'I know, but I truly thought that I loved him.'

'But it's too late now, Gokudera's gone.'

_TCB… _

That's not really the end of the story anyway, because I can't decide to have Yamamoto feeling guilty for something (this is a hint to one of my intended endings) or to have Gokudera finally being happy (also a hint to the other intended endings). So I've decided to leave it to you guys to vote! For those who vote for Gokudera to be finding his happiness, who do you want him to be with?

A) Back with Yamamoto?

B) Tsuna

C) Mukuro (-_-|||)

D) Any other character in KHR

E) OC

Anyway, thanks for reading!


	2. Gokudera's Pain: Extra!

**Regarding the vote for the ending…**

Right, so far, I have four voters and the results are:

A) 2 votes

B) 2 votes

C) 2 votes

D) 0

E) 0

Because 2 out of 4 voters' votes are either this or that, so I'm eliminating D) and E). Please continue to vote! Or maybe I just write all the three different endings… Well, see ya around!


End file.
